The Revenge of Ronderu Lij Kummar: A Lover's Tale
by DragonkeymasterII
Summary: This is the forgotten story of Ronderu Lij Kummar
1. Chapter 1

General Grievous was driving his spaceship over Endor with Hatebeak blasting over the radio. He reminisced about the time he scored a perfect ten on the Kessel Run with his slugthrower rifle. He defeated every other contestant, even the Jedi who love nothing more than using ranged weapons with elite precision. His communicator gave him an alert that a message was incoming. He answered.

"It is I, General Grievous. What is it?"

"Hello Grievous. It is your loving wife. What is your plan for today?"

"I sense through the force that you want to have me home for dinner. Is this the case?"

"Yes it is Grievous. Come home for dinner."

"Ok. I will" he said and he hung up. "Fuck!" he said to himself. "I promised Palpatine I would have dinner with him tonight on board the Leviathan. Ohhhhh I cannot choose!"

General Grievous' wife Ronderu Lij Kummar was pacing up and down, frustrated. "Oh where oh where is my steel-toed stud?" she exclaimed. He had not returned her last calls. She was starting to wonder if he had crashed in a shuttle somewhere. That would be most unfortunate. Then all of his parts would melt and he could never be her steel-toed stud again. Oh the thought was so terrible. She did all that she could to push it from her head. It was just like that time she woke up from a nightmare; a nightmare that she could remember like it happened yesterday. It was a most frightful nightmare. She was flying with Grievous in a starfighter through an asteroid field. It was so romantic and dangerous. Both of them were clinging together in love and passion like two droids in the desert. Then suddenly the engines stopped working and they crashed hard into an asteroid which was not very much fun at all. But these current thoughts were of Grievous melted in a molten mass of metal. She was to be all alone. Then she got a phone call.

"Hello. Ronderu Lij Kummar here?"

"Hello it is Count Dooku. I would like to speak with the General. Is he in?"

"Grievous? No I don't know where he is. He was supposed to be home 10 minutes ago."

"Why would I, Count Dooku, want to speak with that sack of bolts and fat? I meant General Yoda."

"Why would I have the ability to hook you up with General Yoda?"

Count Dooku sighed. "You are his secretary."

Just then Ronderu Lij Kummar realized that she was at work and Grievous was probably at home waiting for her.


	2. Chapter 2

Ronderu Lij Kummar rushed home like it was most important. She did not even hang up the phone even though Count Dooku was still on it and he would be most displeased. He has a lightsabre and can use force lightning and he can use other force things too. She drove her spaceship fast like the time they drove through the meteor field. She arrived at home and General Grievous was already there. She could see his clawsteps in the dust.

She entered. Grievous was sitting at the table waiting. He said "I have been waiting for you my dear."

She smiled and said "Good evening my turbo lover. Did you fly in Hyperspace?"

He said "Yes I did and it was most pleasant. I love every minute. The thrusters give me so much pleasure."

She smiled then stopped smiling like clouds block out the sun. She said "Griveous I have something to tell you."

"Oh really what is that?"

"General. I'm pregnant with your child." 


	3. Chapter 3

Grievous was irate! "Pregnant!" he shouted. "You cannot be PREGNANT!"

He raged and threw the chairs across the room. They went CRASH! against the wall.

"What is wrong Grievous? You do not want a baby in your life?"

"A baby in my life? NO! I want to be free to rule the galaxy with my droid army, not stay home and be a dad!"

"Why not? It could be so romantic. I bet people are writing stories about it already."

Grievous thought long and hard. What should he do next. Ronderu could sense that he was upset with this news. But maybe now he would think about it differently so long as he was not angry. She waited 10 minutes then put her hand on his shoulder.

"Grievous" she whispered "I really do want to have your children."

"No." he said "If you have a baby then I have to be stuck here and I cannot rule the galaxy."

"But it will be all romantic like all of our followers want."

"No not yet."

He thought to himself. It was a difficult situation. "Hmm" he thought. "If Ronderu had a child then it would be a half Kaleesh half Cyborg and that would not be good because then it would be a better warrior than both of them and a better General than I and that would be no good because I would lose every battle to him forever."

He began to look around the house for a coat-hanger but then he had another idea. It would take some time and effort to do, but he is GENERAL GRIEVOUS SEXYGUY and wins every time.


End file.
